I seem to be back to being up at 6:30, which today had the advantage of enjoying a little moon bath as it’s still full and was still high in the sky when I quietly padded out to the living room with my coffee. As I sat in the glow of the moon, I did an oracle reading.
About 15 years ago or so (I’ve lost track) I started working with oracle and tarot decks as a way to tap in to my intuition. Over the years, I’ve had periods where I work with the cards a lot…and others where I’ve put them away and not even looked at them for long periods of time. I started with lovely, safe, gentle Angel decks and then progressed to decks that were a bit more blunt and ‘scary’.
This morning, as I sat in the light of the still full moon, I thought about love. Romantic love. Which is something I seem to struggle with a bit. I went through a bit of a traumatic experience many years ago, in which the person I trusted turned out to have a whole 2nd life that I knew nothing about. I ended up being ghosted, hurt, and left wondering what the hell happened. There was no closure…and I only found out about the other life he had from someone else who felt I should know. It brought up all those fears of abandonment that many adult children of alcoholics seem to have. Since then, I’ve loved and been loved…but very few and far between and usually a situation that can never really ‘be’ for whatever reason. Either emotionally or physically ‘unavailable’. Perhaps it’s a way of protecting myself.
This morning’s reading:
The heart of the situation…Fear
Interesting how fitting those are. I’m afraid…and my challenge is to overcome my protection mechanisms, but know I’m protected in other ways, and then release all of that so that I can move forward. Sounds easy. Not!
But it’s time – it’s time for me to face those fears and drop my self-preservation tactics that are no longer serving me so that I can find release and move forward.