Today is my 50th birthday. I woke up at 5:30 this morning, feeling fantastic and ready to take on the world! I also am proud of myself. To be honest, I was a bit worried that having a glass of wine this past Saturday would put me back on the path of having it daily again. But it didn’t. I had 1/2 a glass on Sunday with lunch and actually left the other 1/2 on the table. I say ‘actually’ because I’ve never done that before. I just didn’t want it and was happy to leave it. I also ordered some de-alcoholised wine and prosecco from the UK which should arrive this weekend.
I seem to have flipped that switch that I wanted to flip and that makes me incredibly happy! Tonight I’ll be having a few friends round for dinner, COVID-style….and will be enjoying some of the wines I brought back from Italy and have been saving for today. But then, I’m going back to the de-alcoholised versions. It was never the actual alcohol that I wanted or craved….it was always the ‘ritual’ of it all. The opening of a bottle…the fancy glasses…. Now that I’ve found alternatives for that ritual, the wine is secondary. I’ve even got my Mum switched over to de-alcoholised wine and G&T’s. Result!
There have been moments where I have a thought of ‘oh, maybe a little digestif would be nice’ but I try to just recognise that as a fleeting thought and it passes. I’m keeping the ‘sober tracker’ app on my phone and using it because I find it keeps me mindful of the fact I want to live a primarily sober life.
I’m happier, I sleep better, I have less anxiety and less anger…and more energy. For now, I say ‘primarily sober’ because for me this has always been about ensuring that alcohol is not a ‘thing’ in my life. Wanting it, to relax…..makes it a ‘thing’. Abstaining completely and saying I’ll never have a drink again…makes it a ‘thing’. But knowing I don’t need it…and don’t really want it….but may have it once in awhile…keeps the balance that I want to maintain. I have other things in my life to think about than alcohol and I’m so incredibly happy I did the 90 days.
It has re-set my relationship with alcohol…it’s made me understand myself better…it’s allowed me a chance to understand my Dad better…and it’s given me a whole new perspective.
Now on to the next 50 years of my life!